A Walk down Memory Lane
This morning as I was checking Facebook, I got a notification that I had memories to look at. Everybody loves a good Facebook memory, right? I love seeing pictures of my kids when they were little or remembering cookouts and other fun moments from years past!
But memories aren’t always happy or sweet or fun.
This morning I was reminded of when we announced our 3rd pregnancy! We were so happy and our older two were so excited to be big brothers! Everyone was commenting their congratulations and we were looking forward to becoming a family of 5!
Unfortunately, we lost that baby a few weeks later.
I remember feeling shocked. I couldn’t believe it could happen to me. I cried and cried as I slowly miscarried the baby over the course of what seemed like forever.
I remember all the love and prayers that poured over us in those weeks that followed. I remember sitting outside on my front deck with the sun beating down on my face and feeling the warmth of God gently hugging my whole being.
This was a rough time and I had a choice to make.
I could become consumed in sorrow and anger toward God or anyone who spoke hurtful words or I could persevere through, allowing this tragedy to mold me but not make me.
As I began the process of moving forward, I learned that many of my friends and family also had a similar story. They were such an encouragement to me but I was also saddened that many never felt able to tell anyone of their own pain and sorrow and had to deal with it alone.
I started counting the things that I was grateful for and looked for joy in all my circumstances.
It took another year of trying to become pregnant again. That was a long year. And then, once pregnant, my whole pregnancy was wrought with fear that I would lose him. We had a number of issues come up that were scary, but in the end, he was born healthy and whole.
Five years later, we became pregnant again. This time it was a surprise! After a couple months we wrapped our heads around it all and really started looking forward to growing our family once more, only to lose this baby as well.
But why the Pineapples?
Around this time, God kept bringing pineapples to my mind.
After seeking wise counsel, my friend mentioned having an image of a pineapple come to her mind. I had not told her I’d been researching them myself. I felt like God was talking straight to my saddened heart. But what exactly was He saying?
Finally, I decided He wanted me to “be like a pineapple”. Like the quote I found online, “Stand tall, wear a crown, and remain sweet on the inside.”
I was developing a bit of a harmful hard shell due to a number of things I was dealing with, but God didn’t want me to become bitter inside. (That’s the direction I was heading.) He allowed me to understand that thick shells are not always bad so long as they are used correctly.
Now my shell serves as protection for my heart, allowing my inside to remain sweet while keeping out the things that would bring bitterness.
I was led to James, Chapter 1, one of my favorites in the Bible. Verse 12 popped out:
“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”
And I knew that was it. My life verse. The verse that was going to help get me through this life.
I knew I needed to put a pineapple in my Bible to help me remember what God was saying to me.
He wanted me to not only persevere under trial, but to do so without becoming bitter. And I know that by doing this that I will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
For more on finding a life verse, check out this post.
It’s no coincidence that every year around the time of either losing one of my babies or the date when we found out we were expecting, I have a strong urge to paint a pineapple in my Bible- and I don’t typically remember the dates on my own.
I think God is wanting to remind me of my purpose and of my loss. Not to sadden me, but to encourage me in this journey of life. To see what He has brought me through and to awaken the spirit in me that needs to keep persevering and pressing forward.
bible journaling details
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This was a really fun pineapple to paint. I think it’s my favorite that I’ve done so far, and I’m sure there will be more!
I started with Neocolor ii water-soluble crayons. Instead of coloring right on the page with them like I typically do, I used a water brush placed right on the crayon to pick up the pigment.
I smudged the brush around on the page and I also flicked the brush on top of the crayon causing the color to splatter around.
After it was dry, I drew the pineapple on top using a size S(mall) Faber-Castell Pitt Pen.
I finished the page by writing with a white Uni-ball Signo pen. I also used this pen to add some white highlights to my pineapple. Lastly, I traced around the letters with an xs Faber-castell Pitt Pen to make the letters pop.
For more on my Favorite Bible Journaling Supplies, check out this post.
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