A while back, my father-in-law checked in on me and asked how I was getting along. I said, “fine”.
Later, I texted him back and told him I was completely exhausted and haven’t slept through the night for months.
He asked if he could try to take the baby overnight! So, little man went with grandpa and grandma for the night. They’re either crazy or I’m very much loved. ❤️❤️ I don’t think they’re crazy. ❤️ Although, after spending the night with little man, they may be.
I am so blessed to have my in-laws close and that they are kind and thoughtful and want to be a part of my family’s life. I know that’s not always the case.
It’s so important to check in on the people we love. To see how they’re getting along, especially if we are aware that they have had some rough days (or nights).
And just as important as checking in, is being real and honest. It took a bit for me to confess that I wasn’t “fine”. If I wouldn’t have let my guard down, grandpa wouldn’t have offered to keep little man for the night.
Where to start
Maybe you haven’t felt able to let your guard down and allow your parents, in-laws, or grandparents to help you on the journey of parenthood. Well, it’s never too late to start. Here are a few tips to make it an easier transition.
But remember:
It’s completely up to you how you deal with the feels. (my attempt at saying feelings in a cool way)
You can only control your own reactions. So, if something your mom or mom-in-law says offends you, it’s up to you to shake it off, forgive, and move on.
Have a little chat if you need to clear the air, but I believe having our parents and grandparents involved can play a huge, important role in child-rearing and the health of ourselves and our children. So, it’s worth pursuing and working at.
Invite them in
I know that sometimes we can get in our heads that we want to do this whole parenting thing alone, especially when we have our first baby. But let me tell you….. we don’t need to.
I know everyone’s situation is different. Some people are not blessed with caring or even safe parents. Right now, I’m speaking to those of us who are. If you have parents and/or in-laws who are loving and kind, invite them into your lives. You can be even more of a super-mom with a bit of help!
Super-mom shouldn’t be defined by the ability to do much alone, but by a mom’s willingness do whatever she can to better her family.
Part of that includes allowing others to help you raise your child(ren), whether that’s a spouse, aunt or uncle, parent, grandparent, or close friend.
Allow some spoiling
Spoiling was very difficult for me to be ok with when I had my first baby. I wanted to do everything perfect and that included no candy, tv, extra toys, etc. I didn’t want my children to grow up feeling entitled or to develop a sugar addiction.
But let me let you in on a little secret. They’re going to likely sneak a bit of spoiling anyway, so all you are doing when you don’t allow a little spoiling, is stripping your parents, yourself, and your children of joy.
There is a line that shouldn’t be crossed, but so many rules keep love from flowing, especially if grandma is a gift-giver or grandpa wants to share his love for ice cream. They aren’t trying to break your rules on purpose- they just have so much love for their grandchildren and love to see the sparkle in their eyes.
Does that make sense? Give freedom in the relationship, and gain freedom from feeling like rules are being broken.
We don’t have grandparents all of our lives. Allow them to make memories while they can.
I remember my grandma always had a snack drawer! Every grandchild knew right where it was and it was always well stocked! We never abused it, but we may have if it was “against the rules”. Because that’s just life.
Strict rules can make us crazy
Ever see a child who is never allowed to have sugar be the CRAZIEST when a birthday cake comes out? They are the “sneakers” and the ones who end up eating way too much! There’s just something about strict rules that make us want to break them even more!
Over the last few years, I’ve become less strict in my dessert rules and know what happened? The last birthday we went to, they didn’t even partake in the cake. Why? Because they knew it wasn’t their only opportunity til the next birthday to indulge in a little dessert.
Side note: I very rarely make dessert. Don’t think we are swimming in chocolate syrup over here. haha My kids just know they are not forbidden and so they actually make wiser choices now. They don’t take more than one of anything and are content with that.
Benefits
Involved grandparents can be positive influences
Most people that you ask today who had grandparents in their lives would say that they were influenced by their grandparents. I’ve been to enough funerals to know that sometimes the grandchildren are affected the most by the death.
There’s a bond between grandparent and grandchild that is just special and unique. We don’t have it with our parents or anyone else. Typically grandparents don’t have to be the main discipliner so their job gets to be a nurturing, fun, and spontaneous!
But what a blessing it can be when a grandparent chooses to be a reinforcer of a parent’s discipline. They know we have to have rules at our homes to teach and create a respectable little human and a grandparent that helps reinforce our values is a treasure.
Grandma’s values and traditions get to be passed down when they are present in their grandchildren’s lives. They also don’t mind telling their grandchildren what they think of their decisions or actions or outfits. 🙂
Grandpa also has the opportunity to talk about the “good ol’ days”. This can give children perspective on life and teach them a little history at the same time. Better yet, it’s family history.
Grandchildren can be a positive influence
Having kids around keeps us young. We may feel old, but in reality, keeping up with them keeps us moving and our brains active. When we allow relationships to happen with grandkids and their grandparents, it keeps the grandparents young too.
Want to have your parents around a while? Send the kids over to play!
Again, I will stress that this isn’t the case for every family, and it’s such a tragedy today. But, for those of us who are blessed to be in a situation where our children have good grandparents, what are you waiting for? Let down your guard and embrace the love, spoiling, and positive influence a grandparent can give!
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