This month comes to you sponsored by theme parks everywhere.
It has been quite the roller coaster over the last few weeks. I feel like I’ve barely been able to catch a breath.
I’ve inhaled way more than I’ve exhaled.
By that I mean that with each new situation that has come up, I’ve just added it to my pile of troubles. Just thrown it on top. So much so that over time, I found myself lost and turning blue somewhere at the bottom.
Numbness was starting to settle in and life just continued to go on all around me. My emotions and ability to worship freely were starting to be affected. It was difficult to think I would come out of the dryness of it all.
It’s amazing how quickly we can go from mountain top to valley when our vision gets cloudy and we stop being proactive. As much as I thought I was doing it all, in reality, I had given up.
Given up hope. Given up trust. Given up the power that lives in me and allowed Satan a foothold. He kept whispering to me negative thoughts and kept me in a state of cloudiness.
It’s also incredible how quickly we can go from valley to mountain top when we decide to surrender.
For me, this month was about giving up control. Without realizing it, I decided I needed to do it all on my own. It was my job to carry all the stress, worry, and frustrations. I made my mental and physical lists and began to check things off one at a time by myself. I kept inhaling and inhaling without breathing out.
Goodness girl. Let it out. Breathe!
Easier said than done. Especially alone.
I knew I needed to worship. I needed to cry out. I needed to feel something again! But Satan wasn’t going to make it easy. I had to overcome obstacles he put in my way and keep pressing forward. Silly fights and set backs placed at just the right times kept dragging me through the mud.
I knew I needed to go to the worship circle that was going on at church. I made it there, late because of an obstacle, but I made it. I sat down and began to sing. I had been worshipping at home all day prior and God was beginning to break through more and more, but there was just something that I couldn’t shake.
When something was called out that applied to me, I rose my hand for prayer. I was surrounded but I felt nothing. I just sat there singing, praying for God to meet me where I was. Come find me and pull me out.
Then my friend, full of the Holy Spirit, came over to me and asked me if I had forgiven those who she knew had hurt me. I felt I had let it go, but I broke down. I crumbled. Emotion that had been held at bay made it’s way out of my eyes.
I had been going through the motions but I was becoming bitter. The gentleness in my spirit was slowly turning to stone. This wasn’t me. This wasn’t who I wanted to be. What in the world is wrong with me? I kept telling myself I was becoming an ungrateful, mean person and I wanted to pass the blame.
The negative thoughts I felt about myself were so much louder than anything else.
As I prayed and chose to give back that which those who hurt me gave to me, I could feel the Holy Spirit surround me. God met me right where I was. He came more than half way.
After a bit, as I drove home, joy began to flood my soul. I was filled with gratitude and love. I began to feel like me. The me that I want to be. I gave everything I was holding onto to Him. Talk about a big exhale. He brought to my attention that it was less about the situations and more about my want to have control over them.
Did you catch that?
It was less about the literal situations and more about what God wanted to teach me through them.
He’s funny like that sometimes. Teaching through trials.
There is so much power in prayer and in forgiveness.
In breaking down in our weakness, we are shown God’s strength. He is so much better at carrying it all than I could ever be and His willingness to do so is a gift. He replaces the worry with peace.
Call to action
If you’re struggling to feel anything right now, take some time to ask God… “Is there anyone I need to forgive?” “Is there anything I’m holding onto that’s keeping me from a close relationship with You?”
You can pray through this alone, but if you can find a person with a close relationship with Jesus that you know, I would encourage you to seek them out and ask them to pray with you. If you’ve ever heard of healing prayer and your church offers it, it’s an amazing thing for anyone and everyone to walk through.
We can’t have an intimate relationship with God if we are walking in unforgiveness.
“Then he (Jesus) took a deep breath and breathed into them. “Receive the Holy Spirit,” he said. “If you forgive someone’s sins, they’re gone for good. If you don’t forgive sins, what are you going to do with them?”
John 20:22-23 (The Message)
That’s always a good place to start when trying to get out of a dry spell. It’s definitely humbling to reflect on your own heart. Many times, we don’t even realize we have held onto something someone has said to us or done to us.
The moment anything comes to mind, even if it seems silly, pray and ask God to take it from you and then choose to forgive the person. Choose to let that go.
We have the power of Jesus inside of us as Christians and it’s possible to walk freely in Him!
I’m praying now for each person who ever reads this, that you would walk freely in Christ.
That you would feel what it is to have an intimate relationship with Him.
That God would bring things to your mind that you can choose to give to Him.
That you would no longer live in a state of numbness.
You’re not alone. Everyone goes through seasons of feeling distant from God. But when you recognize it, do something about it.
Breathe.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Repeat.
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